To clock misery in the fucking nuts
This process isn't simple, common gopniks turn to alcohol but that's like putting a band-aid on a third degree burn.
I briefly mentioned how healing the mind is just as difficult as working out your body in at the end of my letter about being a horrible thief.
That's exactly what this is, doctor's orders, prescriptions, an uppercut to life's ugly mug. Based on my previous assessment I'm mostly certain depression and anhedonia are attempting regression, and this time I'll document my process toward recovery from start to finish. Bears may be included.
...
What needs attention?
- Any score under a 5, let's aim for a passing score above 50% if possible. We're currently riding lower than an F grade at 38%.
What 2 things do I want to focus on most?
Health, because it's indisputable as top priority.
Followed by finances because income is significantly linked to other categories which determine happiness, ex. saving up for surgery and finding a better place to live.
Ranking everything else:
- Community / environment, creativity / recreation, learning, moral code, friends. (At this point I've long given up on the orange category.)
What needs to be curbed to raise the score?
Health: Skin infections and acne, sugary and deep fried foods, sleeping past midnight.
Finance: Impulse purchases, overspending on food at work.
Community / environment: Leave the place I currently live.
Creativity / recreation: Transfer everything over from Trello to G Docs and organize it.
Learning: Schedules that aren't accesible or simple to follow because it risks losing interest completely, I was never a good student to no one's surprise.
Moral code: Stay true to myself and quit the altruistic mindset, doesn't mean throw my heart out the window and become a war criminal, but to protect myself first.
Friends: Internet friends, shitty wines, and my expectations.
What needs to be done to raise the score?
Health: Strength training, boxing, testosterone supplements, drink more water.
Finance: Learn trading and open a profile, side hustles people would pay for that's not going to stress me out.
Community / environment: Determine what country and town to move to in the future.
Creativity / recreation: Make progress with writing scripts, keep learning to draw using my letter about art as a guide for my objectives.
Learning: Continue with renshuu and KanjiDamage, pick up Russian movies, make time in the evenings to study if mornings are too much of a pain in the ass.
Moral code: Reflect on who I am now and who I want to become, draw it out because it usually helps. Figure out what I'm lacking compared to others my age.
Friends: Nothing, just work on myself and be careful when new people advance into my life. Give myself space from current friends. Time and distance is key.
What's an expected and acceptable score for me?
Expected: 60~70%
Acceptable: 55~65%
Estimated time of completion:
- Autumn 2025.
...
Honestly, I have mixed feelings about people finding these letters when my name gets out there someday. But if it helps someone, fuck it.